Reluctant Hero
by Oxymoronic Alliteration
Summary: An act of bravery has Jimmy pondering what it truly means to be a hero...and at what cost does heroism come? Written for the NFA Community Here's To the Heroes Challenge


_**Local Man Saves Lawyer's Daughter**_

Jimmy sat in his wheelchair looking out the window of his hospital room. The cast on his leg was covered in signatures. Abby's signature, complete with a cartoon bat. Tony's signature with some obscure film quote. Michelle's signature with a sweet and simple heart. Looking at the cast made him realize how many friends he actually had.

_James Palmer – Jimmy to his friends – became a hero yesterday when he pushed three-year-old Macy Gellar out of the way of an oncoming van. Young Macy, daughter of famed defense attorney Mitchell Gellar, was with her parents in Dupont Circle when she spotted and followed a butterfly into the street and into the path of an oncoming SUV._

The room was filled with flowers and gifts. His mother had been to see him earlier, bringing him flowers and a "Get Well" card sent by his aunt and uncle. Director Jenny had sent him a card as well, congratulating him on his bravery. Tim had brought him some books and Tony had brought him some movies. None of their selections were really to his taste, but he had thanked them all the same.

_Palmer spotted the young child and the SUV and bound into the street. As the driver blared his horn and slammed on his brakes, Palmer shoved the young girl out of the way before being hit. While Macy received minor scrapes and bruises, Palmer was knocked unconscious as onlookers frantically called for an ambulance. Palmer, who works as an ME Assistant for NCIS (Naval Criminal Investigative Service), was rushed to the hospital. He suffered a broken leg, a fractured pelvis, some internal bleeding, and bruising. _

Mr. Gellar and his family had come to see him the day before. Mrs. Gellar had fawned over him as though he were her own child. Macy had shown him her band-aids covering her own injuries from the accident. Mr. Gellar had gently clapped his hand on Jimmy's shoulder, telling him how wonderful it was to know that people like him still existed in the world. Jimmy had put on a smile for the family, allowing them to admire him as they so wanted.

_Mitchell Gellar commended the young hero, saying, "In today's world so many people are only looking out for themselves and can't be bothered to do anything. This young man gives me hope, though, that people out there are still good. He has my family's deepest gratitude." Mr. Gellar has made a name for himself for defending celebrities and government officials._

Then, of course, there had been the countless phone calls from family members, telling him they had seen the story on the news, or had read about it. They were all so proud of him. People he hadn't seen since high school were calling, wanting to talk to the hero of the hour. It was like being a mini-celebrity.

Everyone wanted him to be as comfortable as possible. Everyone wanted to volunteer their services. Everyone wanted to visit him and keep him company. Everyone wanted to send him gifts and flowers and cards, to let him know that they were proud of his heroism. Everyone wanted to help.

It was driving him crazy.

_Hero_. It was a strange word. It was a word that carried such grandeur, a word that summoned thoughts of strong men covered in sweat and grime, men who faced off against savage beasts and monsters and who carried off young, demure women to safety. When he thought of the word and thought of himself…he just couldn't make the two match up.

There was a soft rapping at the door. "May I come in, Jimmy?" Ducky was standing at the door, a bouquet of black roses in hand.

Jimmy didn't respond. He wheeled himself back from the window as the doctor entered and placed the flowers in an open space on the side table. "From Abby," Ducky explained, though it was fairly obvious. "She was afraid she was the only one who hadn't sent you any." He took a seat, slipping his coat off and folding it on his lap. "So how are you, my boy?"

Jimmy shrugged. "I guess I'm the same as I was yesterday, doctor."

"That bad, eh?" Jimmy looked up, seeing the worry in Dr. Mallard's eyes. "I know you blame it on weariness, but I sense there is more going on than meets the eye, Mr. Palmer."

Jimmy turned his attention back to the window, his cheeks red. "I don't know what you mean, Dr. Mallard. I'm fine."

Ducky nodded, though still not convinced. He stood, placing his coat on the chair, and walked around to the window. He perched himself on the sill, forcing Jimmy to look at him. "I understand Mr. Gellar has insisted on paying all of your medical bills." Jimmy nodded mutely. "That is very generous of him."

"Yes, it is," Jimmy agreed, though his voice held no hint of appreciation. "But nothing is too good for a _hero_," he added, saying the word almost bitterly. He gently leaned his head forward, pulled off his glasses, and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. "Don't you think it's kind of funny?"

"Funny?" Ducky couldn't see anything humorous about the situation.

"The others at NCIS – Agent Gibbs, Tony, Ziva, McGee – they all put themselves in danger everyday. They've been in the hospital with far worse injuries than me. Yet, their names rarely appear in the papers and they don't have the family members of those whose lives they've saved offering money for their bills."

"Well, naturally any injuries they suffer while working would be covered by the agency."

"That's not the point!" Jimmy snapped. Ducky was taken aback by his assistant's sudden, out-of-character outburst. "The point is that all I did was push a rich guy's daughter out from in front of a car and break a few bones and I'm suddenly hero of the year."

Ducky didn't think it an appropriate moment to point out that Jimmy had in fact been hit by an SUV, not a car. "Jimmy, you _are_ a hero. Yes, your actions likely wouldn't get the same coverage and praise had you saved the daughter of an unknown man, and I understand your frustration at the lack of attention paid to our colleagues, but it doesn't diminish _your_ bravery."

"I'm not a hero," Jimmy said quietly. "I'm not even brave. I did it without even thinking. If I had actually thought about it…I would have chickened out." He wheeled his chair around, turning his back on Ducky. "I don't want to be a hero. I don't want to have to live up to those expectations."

"What expectations are those?"

"When you're a hero people expect you to be a certain kind of person 24/7. People expect you to be able to save the day every time they see you!" As he spoke, Jimmy's voice rose until he was almost shouting. "People expect you to never falter and to remain level-headed through everything!" His face was red, his shoulders shaking. There was a long silence, broken only by Jimmy's deep breathing. Ducky was about to speak when Jimmy said softly, "I just can't handle that kind of pressure. I don't have it in me."

He lifted himself onto the bed, grunting in pain. Ducky helped him, ignoring the glare he received for it. "What's worse is that when I eventually do fail – and I don't think that should take long for me," he added cynically, "it's going to sting that much more."

"Jimmy, you're not infallible. People have seen you fail before. What's changed?"

"I'm not just the Autopsy Gremlin, Dr. Mallard, I'm a "hero." I'm someone who was inexplicably placed on an undeserved pedestal. You know what they say: The higher you are the harder you fall." He lifted the back of the bed so he could lean back against it. "I never thought I'd miss the anonymity of being…well…just Jimmy Palmer. At least then when I failed no one was disappointed…or surprised"

Ducky pulled a chair up to the bed. "But you are still the same person you were before, Jimmy. No amount of heroism can take that away. Perhaps you're right, though. Perhaps heroism _does_ come with a cost. Maybe there _are_ people who will expect nothing but the best from you now. Don't you think people expect only the best from me?"

"Well, sure…but you _are_ the best."

"Ah," Ducky said with a smile, "that's what people have come to believe of me for their own reasons. Of course, I can't say I mind," he added, "but I still understand the pressures of needing to live up to expectations. Everyone does. Some people are simply better at hiding it."

Ducky looked at his watch. "Well, I suppose I should be getting back now." He stood and retrieved his coat from the chair. "I'll try to visit again tomorrow. I know Abby and Tim are likely to come by later today. Oh, and Agent Lee commented about stopping by for a visit – I'd no idea the two of you were such good friends." Jimmy was glad that the ME's back was to him, as he was sure his face was blazing red.

Ducky opened the door to the hospital room, giving his assistant one last smile and a final thought. "It's been quite some time since I last read a comic book, but as I remember every single superhero had weaknesses and faults. Every single one fell from glory from time to time. Yet, they were always welcomed back with open arms." And with that he was gone.

_When asked about Palmer's actions, Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard had this to say: "Jimmy has always shown great character. His quick thinking and attentiveness have proven most helpful in some of our cases. I've no doubt, though, that he will refuse to see himself as a hero and refuse to recognize his own bravery. I only hope that he will acknowledge his own strengths in emotion, spirit, mentality, and physicality._

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**AN:** Thanks for taking the time to read this! Reviews, as always, are appreciated!


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